So apparently making a mistake marks me as bad influence and means that I am dragging down my best friend and brother.  I really don’t get it.  Someone who calls himself a man of God can’t even be true to my face? Not even once? C’mon.  All I ask of anyone in this life is to be honest with me and with yourself.  Every single time it’s the same thing.  I get told one thing to my face and turns out that you feel the complete opposite.  How is that mature even in the least? I dropped my entire life for this and this is what I get in return? I work my ass off to become a better musician, taking ever piece of advice you give, and this is what I get? Lies and betrayal.  Yes, I messed up royally, I know this.  I’ve asked God and those directly affected for forgiveness and have received it.  You weren’t even directly affected by this, why are you treating me this way? Shunning me, I guess I could handle that.  But shunning my best friend and his girlfriend? That’s not fair to them.  You tell me you’ve forgiven me. You said it to my face.  But that’s obviously not the truth. What a surprise.  I really don’t get any of this.  You’re so contradictory its crazy.  You preach to us about not being within the counsel of the ungodly, but tell me I need therapy.  I sought help and advice from someone outside of the situation and they helped me deal with it and find out what truly caused it.  Why are you doing this? Why? You’re supposed to be a role model.  What does this behavior show to others? That you can’t be true to someone’s face and you truly don’t forgive.  I am done with this.  I am so glad I am getting out of here this summer.  I’m done with music, I’m done with this city.  Thank you, thank you very much.

So, tonight has been seriously one of the best nights of my life to date.  Zack had told me about this listening party happening at Hot Topic but the way I was feeling last night, I just wanted him to drive himself to work so I could just hang out at Kelly’s during his 4 and half hour shift.  But, God saw a different plan for me.  I ended up going to the mall with him  Boy am I glad I did  So, there are these two bands, Straight to Our Enemies and A Pyrrhic Victory.  They’re from the pacific northwest and are on a national tour.  They had like 7 cancellations along the east coast, so they ended up at Eastview Hot Topic trying to sell their split EP and t-shirts for gas money to get to Ohio.  I spent pretty much all day with them outside of Hot Topic.  They are seriously some of the coolest dudes I have ever had the privilege of meeting in my entire life.  Two of them really stand out to me, Dan and Andy.  Dan is the STOE’s photographer and Andy is STOE’s vocalist.  I spent most of the day/night with them.  Dan’s actually asleep in the back of the Big Dog Van as I type this haha.  All 14 of these guys have been on tour for just over a month now and their stories are just out of this world.  The more Zack and I talked with them, the more the twinkle in our eyes just got bigger and bigger.  I know it seems like we are constantly changing our minds as to what we want to with our lives, but I think it’s just that we haven’t found the right choice.  Touring across the country is where we belong.  I know we have Jenn and Brittany, and if we are meant to be with them, then our relationships will last even across the country.  This what I want.  I’ve been praying about this all day today and He finally gave me a sign at around 10pm.  I just wanted Him to show me if this is what I should be looking to do.  Zack and I were talking with Dan and Andy outside the mall waiting for the rest of guys to come out.  And out of nowhere (we hadn’t talked about God at all today) they ask us “Are you guys Christians?”  I immediately got chills and gave Zack that look we give each other when something awesome happens.  We both smile.  That was when the night just started to get even better.  We make our way to Macedon Wal Mart for even more fun and talking with the guys.  We end up playing our demo for Rabananda, the tour manager, and the rest of the gang.  Everyone loved it, much to our surprise.  He and Kevin (APV’s guitarist) gave some awesome input.  I love criticism and compliments.  I’m still a baby musician so I thrive on that stuff.  So we just spent the rest of the night talking about music and swapping stories.  Kevin put it best after I told him how much Zack and I look for change in our lives; “If you’re constantly looking for change, than touring is where you belong man. You meet some awesome people and see new places and experience new things.  It’s amazing”

I know this is all over the place, but that’s how my brain is when it’s going this fast.  Zack and I made a pact of sorts tonight.  By the time Warped Tour comes here (July 14th at Darien Lake) if TCD isn’t going where we want it to be, we’re selling the Focus and anything else we own (outside of our gear) and heading west with STOE.  Dan says the scene out there could really use more positive people such as Zack and myself.  Maybe that’s where Through The Reign will need to be to prosper, you know? Well, one thing I know for sure now is that our legacy is going to be too big for Rochester. (credit: Hundredth haha).  There is just a lot of praying left to do on both our parts.  And more planning and talking obviously.

All in all, we made some amazing connections tonight.  Rab has more connections than you can shake a stick at and he will be very helpful down the line, I think.  I also feel that these are dudes that we could be friends with for a long time. Even as I sit here in this freezing van at 3:30am, I’m still ecstatic inside.  Even as Zackoh continues to let out his flatulence, I’m still content with this tentative plan.  I think this will be good.  I really do.

So, I decided to jump on the newest social networking bandwagon.  This really just feels like a glorified Xanga.  Anyone remember Xangas? You know, that online journal that everyone kept throughout middle school and high school? Heck, I’ve looked back on those entries and I think to myself “Wow, I can’t believe anyone even read these or cared about what I wrote.”  It was just mindless dribble.  I hope now that I’m 24 and matured (depends on who you ask) this won’t be mindless dribble.  Also, I’m going to treat this as a creative outlet of sorts.  If someone wants to read it, have at it.  If not, no skin off my nose.  This will act as a tool for me to work through my millions of thoughts and emotions that run through my head on a daily, heck, hourly basis.  There is alot of crap happening in my life as of late, but I don’t want to bog down my first post with all that.  So, it can wait.